There’s this really nice piece at underthegunreview.net by Jacob Tender that a friend forwarded me today. It’s about how important Fall Out Boy’s album “From Under the Cork Tree,” was to him. After reading it though, nostalgic and well-written as it was, I really found myself more depressed than…
(Source: throughthewildblue, via fuckyeahjacksmannequin)
I was told twice that I was probably much better at writing than I’ve ever lead myself to believe; once by my sophomore english teacher and the other time by an english professor at the college I was attending an open house for. English and writing isn’t what I plan on doing with my life, my future is in the past: it’s History; it’s Ancient History. Why this is suddenly so important to me is up for debate. Why this is so important that you’re reading it? ..Well, that’s your battle, honey. Not mine.
Ironically, I love a good fight. Even if it has nothing to do with me and especially if it leaves a point to be proven. I could probably make a good lawyer. But I don’t wanna be a lawyer. However if that’s what’s keeping you reading, then hey— what the Hell? To my knowledge, I’ll be the only one reading this anyway, so who cares?
That was all irrelevant. Actually, most of this probably is. But like with most other things irrelevant, their being so is never going to stop them from being said and being written. This is my revolutionary thought. I won’t call it my unique thought or the thought of my movement in life because the truth is, someone’s probably already gotten there somewhere along the line. I mean, honestly, half of the time I don’t even feel like this world has a sense of “originality” anymore. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that people and ideas aren’t original, because some are and others aren’t (think running water. Happened in ANCIENT GREECE. Yep. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Romans had it too.). It’s just that some thoughts, we hear them places, only we forget, so by the time we speak them again, it totally belongs to us. Happens in the music world alll of the time, kids. But that’s irrelevant, too, much like my use for the comma. I know, I use it in all the wrong places. It’s not grammatically correct, it’s correct per method of speech. Don’t judge. But really, think about it: originality.
I remember reading in an AltPress some month or other where a band had been interviewed about their “originality.” More or less, the frontman said that they had zero, but that they were gonna rock the way they knew how. Honestly, that one’s stuck with me, mostly because I don’t think that there’s anything closer to the truth.
I guess the soul purpose of me bringing up English-isms is because that, yes, English is probably one of the BIGGEST pain in the asses EVER, I love it. Although I do hate the standard belief that people who read for their own enjoyment are better writers. THAT’S NOT (ALWAYS) TRUE. I’m living proof. But forreal, my last year of high school really taught me something. Such as to recognize the amount of irony in that statement. More or less I’ve learned to understand how original writers wanted their works to be read. Take Thomas Hardy (just referencing him makes me most positive of the fact that I’m a cynic. Now I REALLY know it.) when he wrote, well, anything. But Return of the Native. My whole class? They hated it. It was the most wretched story ever. It’s just way too sad. And you know what? I get it. I TOTALLY and wholly get the whole plot. Maybe it’s because I recognize the symbolism is relation to the gods/goddesses. Did I really enjoy the concept of the setting being a character? No. But I latched onto the person-characters and the reality of it all. Eustacia. Now, THERE’S a character. She was the goddess, the bitch, the one that can bring the world down in a single turn. She’s the woman who finds a way to get everything. Like the Bunny who wanted to marry Hef and was out the door when she refused to sign the pre-nup. Yeah, we know what she was all about. But seriously. Hardy wasn’t being original with his characters, people have been like that since humans had the brain function to differentiate between food grunts. No, Hardy was original in the way that he made it obvious but at the same time it required thought and precision. Hardy became original in the way people read his works, and the time period may or may not have had something to do with it ;)
Even next to me, right now, I have an old copy of James Joyce’s A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Don’t get me wrong, it’s old in the sense of its overall life, not because I’ve read it so many times. I bought it from my senior teacher because I started to highlight stuff in it. Not just to answer my study guide questions: but because it, above all other things, MEANT something to me. There’s quotes that I swear I turn back to on a daily basis because it gives me the sense of being understood and not forced to understand. Does that make sense? For those of you that don’t know the book, which is going to be most for the reasons of A. it’s old and B. it kind of goes on a flow-of-thought method which can be difficult because the novel starts with the boy as a young child. But more or less it’s about a boy’s struggle with God and the Church and his family/friends/ and everyone else’s belief on what actually exists in the world. And no, I don’t mean aliens. He fights for the choice to be who he actually wants: He doesn’t care for politics or for religion at all, in the end, even though the battle is ridiculous. All he desires to have is his art. Some critics call it a quasi-autobiography with some tweaks from Joyce. It probably is. But its about his life and his struggle and the portrait of himself as he comes to be the person he has dreamed his whole life of being. Beautiful story, really. Maybe that’s not original, either. But I guess that’s not even the point here. I think the point is that the originality of ourselves doesn’t rely upon what we say, but how we live our lives. I didn’t write this for anyone but myself and anyone who may find themselves concerned.
I’m not a book critic or a philosopher. I’m a to-be college student. My future is the past and my present is somewhere in between. I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things. I don’t have a clue what compelled me to sign into this blog tonight, after all, its been so long since I’ve posted anything. I’m not even sure if this is really how one blogs. Like I said, I wrote this for me. Whether or not it means something to you is your battle.
HD
June 28. 2011
—A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
CHANGECHANGECHANGECHANGE.
i guess i just can’t make up my mind. there’s so much that needs to change; but some need to stay the same. and honestly, i almost cannot stand myself. half of the time, i just wanna tear everything apart. and the other half i just wanna embrace what’s left of who i am, because half of the time, i dont know that girl anymore. although, I’m pretty sureshe’s gone. and thats okay. but that doesnt make the balance any easier.
especially when it comes to choice; i can just keep chuggin’ along, like i have a tendency to do, or i can make those amends to keep people happy…and allow myself to constantly wonder. it’s almost like trying to stop my heartbeat; but i think its MORE like trying to start my heartbeat, because half of the time (or more) i’m not sure it’s there. I mean, I have a GREATBIG heart, but I’m a realist: i gotta protect me. either way, i can’t even begin to say that these decisions are easy or debatable. they are what they are. arent they? i mean, i could be mad or hurt by more than a few people, or i could be hurting people. does it really matter though?
you’d think i could just figure it out already. or flip a coin. or throw a dart. or draw a card. but i can’t; my mind flips every second that i think i’ve pulled it together. it makes me crazy. but it’s guarenteed, i’ll disagree with myself.
I mean, the truth of the matter is, people are always going to be unhappy with something. There’s never totally a “correct” answer. You’re always going to hurt someone. No one is ever completely honest; you’re always going to be lying and/or “stretching” the truth. And you’re not invinsible either; you gotta remember, we’re alll still in high school; in 10 years, odds are that we’ll have long forgotten about this stuff.
At the end of the day, what it comes down to is where you started and where you ended up.
Right??
